Super Smash Bros Melee Critique
by Weirdguy149
Summary: Crazy Hand is rather crazy, so the Melee Smashers have to critique every trophy in the Melee database or risk being blown up!
1. Chapter 1: Mario

**Super Smash Bros. Melee Trophy Critiques**

**This is my first fanfiction, so here goes. Before I start, though. All characters and trophies belong to Nintendo and its various branches.**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Mario**

The year was 2001. The air was crisp with the smell of spring, the birds were chirping, and all the Smashers were currently snoozing in the mansion, known very eloquently as the Smash Mansion. All was going well until...

"ALL SMASHERS REPORT TO THE AUDITORIUM. IMMEDIATELY." This was the voice of their benefactor, Master Hand. And he did not seem to be happy one bit.

One by one, from the oldest (Ganondorf, of course) to the youngest (Pichu, Kirby, Mewtwo, and the like), all the Smashers filed into the auditorium.

Bowser, ever the grumpy old Koopa, bellowed "What's the big deal, Hand? Some of us need to sleep around here!"

Jigglypuff woke up in her seat, as if to punctuate his point. "Puff?"

There was quite a bit of a ruckus until Master Hand smacked the tiny-in-comparison podium like a judge's hammer on a gavel. Surprisingly, it was still in one piece. Master Hand cleared his nonexistent throat then told the collected fighters, "Normally I wouldn't give an assembly this early in the morning, but I have gotten an important message from..." He shuddered. "...my brother."

Crazy Hand, Master Hand's identical-in-looks but completely-different-in-personalities twin brother, popped up on the overhead.

"Hi, guys! Remember me? Tried to burn the mansion down to the ground with a demonically powered Bowser clone? Good times! A-nyways, I brought you here for one purpose and one purpose only..." His voice deepened to demonic levels. "**Reading. The. Trophies." **His voice came back up to normal. "Yep! All 293 of them!"

The collective audience gasped. Ness cried "You monster! A lot of us don't even read!" Young Link, sitting next to him, was wearing glasses and reading a child's book upside down.

As if expecting a response, Crazy Hand laughed. "Tough cookies! Kids need to learn sometime!"

Zelda cleared her throat and spoke up. "What would happen if we left this place and didn't want to participate?"

Crazy Hand cackled like a retro supervillain. "I have Motion Sensor Bombs outside every entrance. One step and KABOOM! The Mansion and the sun will be very well acquainted!"

Again, everyone gasped. Mario, as the main spokesman of the Smashers, said "Fine-a, Crazy Hand, we'll play-a your game. How hard can-a reading descriptions of trophies be?"

Master Hand talked again as Crazy Hand got off the screen. "You all will also have to give your thoughts on the topic."

A murmur faded into the room. Eventually, Master Hand knocked on the podium. "Alright, now we can begin. First up, Mario."

Mario looked on with no fear in his big blue eyes as Master Hand put glasses on his middle finger. "Ahem." A picture of Mario cheerfully giving a thumbs-up appeared on the screen. "Known worldwide as Mr. Nintendo, Mario uses his incredible jumping ability to thwart the evil Bowser time after time. While he's best known as a hero, Mario has played many roles, including racer, doctor, golfer, and villain. His tastes have changed over 20 years of gaming; he long ago swapped the colors of his shirt and overalls."

A more realistic picture of Mario swinging a golden cape appeared next. "Mario is a character without any glaring weaknesses and plenty of strong attacks: he's even equipped with a Meteor Smash. He's a straightforward character who'll reflect the actual skills of the player. Mario's Cape will turn other characters in the opposite direction and can also reflect missile weapons."

A Mario wearing a blue hat and red overalls came next. "Mass determines how easily a character can be sent flying, as well as a character's physical strength: Mario's mass is the standard upon which other Smash fighters are measured. His Super Jump Punch sends foes skyward in a shower of coins, while the Mario Tornado pulls in nearby foes, spins them silly, and scatters them every which way."

"Now, whenever I shine a spotlight on you, it'll be your turn to talk. For the benefits of any person that may be reading about this in the future, Yoshi, Kirby, the Pokemon, silent protagonists, and Fire Emblem lords will be translated for."

**Mario: **"Well, what can I say? It's-a me, Mario! I can admit-a that I'm a bit of a jack of all trades but I promise that-a I can be just as-a normal as anyone else."

**Luigi**: "B-big bro... He's so brave. I'm just a little pipsqueak compared to him, but I know eventually I'll be just as cool as he is!" Mario rubbed the back of his head a little, smiling sheepishly.

**Peach**: "I don't know where I'd be without Mario. Probably in a hot stuffy room with a bunch of smelly Goombas to keep me company. Not a very glamorous spot. Oh! And I'm making a cake for him as soon as we get out." She kissed Mario's cheek; he blushed in response.

**Bowser**: "FINALLY, I can talk about him now. This little pest is the bane of my existence. I just want to keep Peach all to myself, but does he let me? NO! It makes me want to..." He breathed fire up at the ceiling but the sprinklers turned on and drowned him out. Mario kept his composure, but was quite obviously amused.

**Dr. Mario**: "I might not look-a like it, but I'm a few years older than this Mario. All I have-a to say is, Keep-a doing what you're doing." Mario nodded.

**Donkey Kong**: "Mario fight Cranky. Then Mario fight me. But Mario and me friends now." He flashed him a thumbs-up, which Mario reciprocated.

**Yoshi**: "I've known Mario since he was a baby! Even though he gave me a headache when he was little, he's grown to be a great hero." Mario adjusted his hat after Yoshi licked his cheek like a dog.

**Link**: "..." [Mario is a very persistent man when it comes to saving his princess. I mean, I only save a princess once for each life, but he has been doing this successfully time and time again for twenty years now. That's dedication right there.] After hearing the translation, Mario nodded respectfully.

**Zelda/Sheik**: "Since I've never truly fought in the battlefield like Mario, I can't really relate to him all that well. However, Peach seems to like him and that's good enough for me." She kissed his cheek, earning a glare from Peach and Link alike. Mario shrugged and smiled apologetically.

**Ganondorf**: "After all I heard about you from Bowser, I could never figure out why you of all people managed to hand his tail to him on a regular basis. I still don't." Bowser gave Ganondorf the stink-eye.

**Young Link**: He enthusiastically applauded for him. Master Hand paused for a second then said "No translation necessary here."

**Samus**: "..." [I owe him my life. He is one of the few I would ever reveal my secret to.] Mario nodded again.

**Popo and Nana**: They spoke in unison, like they always did, which was a little unsettling. "We'd like to thank you for inviting us, Mario! We're sure we won't let you down." He rubbed the back of his head.

**Kirby**: "He's so fun to fight with! Besides, he gives me mushrooms! How can you find a better guy than that?"

**Fox**: "It really wasn't that hard to make friends with Mario. I mean, listen to how many compliments he's gotten already!"

**Falco**: "I respect him for stickin' up for his friends. I'm not a big fan of him stompin' wings off people, but I ain't bitter about that." Mario smiled apologetically.

**Captain Falcon**: "He showed me the jumping moves! And his Fire Flower helped me develop the Falcon Pawnch!" Captain Falcon chuckled with Mario.

**Pikachu**: "He's kind of like Ash if you take away the dumbness."

**Jigglypuff**: "He's a good jumper! I wanna sing to him!" Before Jigglypuff could open her mouth to sing, Mewtwo clamped a paw over her mouth. "Thank you, Mewtwo." said Master Hand. Much obliged.

**Mewtwo**: He let go of Jigglypuff's mouth immediately afterwards. He's a human. They're all alike to me. He may be one of the better ones but he's just a human nonetheless.

**Pichu**: The cute little mouse Pokemon opened his mouth and said "He's so stupid, his accent is fake, and I don't even think he has a mouth!" Being used to Pichu's insulting nature, no one said anything.

**Marth**: "{I know him not as well as any of you, but he is a valiant warrior and I am pleased to call him my comrade.}"

**Roy**: "{He truly has the fire of a swordsman, even though he doesn't fight with one.}"

**Ness**: "He has a good taste in hats, heroics, and another third thing that starts with an "H"." Everyone looked at Ness. "What? I'm a 13-year-old, not an expert on the English language!"

**Mr. Game and Watch**: [While I was dormant, Mario has been a very good successor. All of you whippersnappers are lucky to have him.]

"We'll take an intermission." Everyone got up. "No one leave the auditorium, or we're all going to be fried."

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Hopefully, this won't be too different from the norm.

Leave constructive criticism and questions in the review section and I'll answer them next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2: Donkey Kong

**Before I start, all characters belong to Nintendo and its various branches.**

**Chapter 2: Donkey Kong**

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The story, er, I mean the trophy-reading, came back to reveal a dispute between couples. Specifically Peach, Mario, Link, and Zelda.

Peach squealed "Zelda, you tramp! Why did you kiss Mario?!"

Zelda, or rather Sheik, replied "I thought it was the proper thing to do. Didn't you do the same?"

"But me and Mario are like _this_! Don't you agree, Mario?"

Mario jumped then said "Uh..." Meanwhile, Link was giving Mario the death glare. The argument halted when Master Hand banged on the poor little podium again.

"You can settle your lovers' dispute later. Right now, it's Donkey Kong's turn." D.K. beat his chest like a normal gorilla would do as Master Hand put his glasses back on.

"Ahem." A picture of Donkey Kong posing for the camera showed on the overhead. "While he now prefers the laid-back jungle lifestyle to construction site mischief, D.K. is often forced back into action by the Kremling Krew. The great ape is quite fast despite his burly physique, and he keeps his strength up with a steady diet of his favorite food: bananas. His one extravagance (and only piece of clothing) is a monogrammed necktie."

A more modern D.K. shrugged at the screen. "Donkey Kong is a huge target in a fight, so he hates crowds. When he's in the fray, his Giant Punch deals serious damage to multiple opponents. The big ape's Headbutt hits so hard that it temporarily buries opponent's in the ground. DK is a lot faster than he looks, and he's lethal in the hands of a master.

Being the strongest simian around, D.K. has the upper hand once he grabs an opponent. He can even lift his foe up and make him or her an unwilling traveling companion; if D.K. grabs you, shake your Control Stick as fast as you can to break his grip. His Spinning Kong covers more lateral distance than vertical, so use it quickly to recover."

**Donkey Kong**: "Me like bananas and kicking Kremling tail. Me like fighting too!" He laughed in his usual "Hoo-hoo!"

**Mario**: Feeling three sets of eyes behind him, he looked a bit more nervous than normal. After nonverbally telling them to get off his back, he said "Me and-a Donkey weren't always-a the best-a friends. That still isn't-a the case today, but I'm-a glad we're on-a the same side." D.K. and Mario exchanged thumbs again.

**Luigi**: "He kinda scares me... no lie... but big bro seems alright with him, so he's alright with me." D.K. hugged Luigi. "Mama-mia!"

**Peach**: Calm from the argument, she said "He may be a big gorilla that sheds... a lot... but he's an excellent kart driver and he's so affectionate!" She giggled as he hugged her.

**Bowser**: "Why do you have all the people I hate first? I just hate the ape because he always fights me when I hold people captive in the party games. If I could breathe fire and roast his butt, I would." D.K. crossed his arms and they glared at each other.

**Dr. Mario**: "Cranky and I have talked quite-a a bit about-a you. But I think-a he has nothing to worry about-a. The Kongo Jungle is-a in your capable hands." D.K. beat his chest with a smile.

**Yoshi**: "I've known him since he was a kid too! He's a bit rough around the edges but I've never met a more loyal friend. Besides Mario of course."

**Link**: "..." [If he lived in Hyrule, he'd definitely be a Goron. He's a rock... well, I mean, he hits like a rock.]

**Zelda/Sheik**: She turned back into Zelda after the argument occurred. "He's my total opposite, and yet I feel calm when I'm around Donkey Kong."

**Ganondorf**: "Now _this _is a worthy adversary for the likes of you, Bowser. Weak-willed, super-strong, determined. Much like you are." Bowser stood with a smile on his face then immediately frowned when he heard the backhanded insult.

**Young Link**: He played an odd tune on his ocarina. Then a banana plant grew. Overjoyed, D.K. gave him a rib-crushing hug then picked off the banana.

**Samus**: "..." [He does my evolutionary ancestors proud by being here. He has my respect.] Meanwhile, D.K. ate his bananas in one bite.

**Ice Climbers**: "We like monkeys. Monkeys are the best." Master Hand spoke up. "Uh, he's actually an ape." "Monkey..."

**Kirby**: "" Kirby inhaled the rest of the bananas in one gulp.

**Fox**: "I used to be really uneasy around apes, but Donkey Kong really helped in taking that fear away from me." D.K. hugged him.

**Falco**: "I still don't really like 'im, but 'ey, maybe things'll change."

**Captain Falcon**: "He's extremely heavy metal! You wouldn't expect a gorilla gang leader to work so good, but he does."

**Pikachu**: "He's a big-hearted guy, no question about that."

**Jigglypuff**: "Can I sing with you while you play on the bongos?" Before D.K. could say anything, everyone shouted "NO."

**Mewtwo**: _He's a Primeape with a cool head._

**Pichu**: He looked up at D.K. and smiled as he said "You're stupid and you're dumb~" Again, no one said anything, being used to Pichu's shenanigans.

**Marth**: "{He is a noble beast that I have ridden into battle on on occasion.}"

**Roy**: "{He defends his bananas like I defend my troops: strongly and with wild enthusiasm.}"

**Ness**: "He's like those King Kong movies I saw in Eagleland."

**Mr. Game And Watch**: [Your grandpa was a much better fighter than you in his heyday, but you're a pretty good replacement.]

Immediately afterwards, the quarrel started anew.

Zelda, now Sheik again, told Peach "Where were we?"

It suddenly became a 2-on-1 melee as their clashing brought up a smoke cloud. Mario tried to walk away but Peach dragged him into the fighting.

The more serious Smashers (and Master Hand) face-palmed as Master Hand said "Intermission!"

* * *

Next time: Link!


	3. Chapter 3: Link

**Before I begin, all characters belong to Nintendo and its branches.**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Link**

The four Smashers were still in a fight as the intermission ended.

Master Hand sighed then turned to Mewtwo. "If you please?" They nodded then held out their paw at the fighting couple.

Abruptly, the smoke cleared and the Mushroom Kingdom couple and the Hyrulian couple were suspended in midair. "Now, I understand there's a conflict you must settle, but we must not forget the enemy that we're all currently facing, alright?"

They nodded stiffly. "Alright, Mewtwo, let them go." They put their paw down and Mario, Peach, Zelda, and Link fell on the ground with an "Oof!" from three of them. They returned to their seats and sat down but Master Hand stopped Link. "You're next."

Link gulped then stood up. Master Hand put his glasses back on and cleared his throat. Pichu spoke up. "Are you going to be doing that the whole time?" Master Hand looked at Pichu. "Yes." Then he showed a picture of Link with his sword and shield at the ready. "Even in his youth, Link was already becoming the warrior who would carry the destiny of Hyrule (and many other lands) on his shoulders. His epic struggles against the forces of darkness are written in legend, and he is bound to the Princess Zelda and the archfiend Ganondorf by the awesome power of the Triforce."

Now he was shown ready to charge at an unseen opponent. "Burdened with a shield, a heavy sword, and plenty of equipment, Link is not a very mobile character. Nevertheless, he's skilled with the blade, and his varied supply of missile weapons makes him a powerful fighter. To master Link, you must control the pace by balancing your long-range attacks with head-to-head swordplay."

Then a version of Link with a red hat and tunic was performing his infamous sword jump attack. "Link's Bow, Boomerang, and Bombs all take time to wield, so you may want to try drawing them in midair to prevent your foes from attacking you while you're vulnerable. The Spin Attack can score consecutive midair hits, and the final slash is very powerful. Link's Bombs are his trump card, but he can't pull one out if he's carrying another item."

**Link**: "..." [I have done my ancestors proud by keeping the Triforce safe from the likes of Ganondorf and Crazy Hand. I hope to continue by going through this tedious process.]

**Zelda/Sheik**: "As his girlfriend..." She transformed into Sheik. "...and mentor, I may be a bit biased, but I believe Link to be the greatest hero in any universe." Link rubbed the back of his head.

**Ganondorf**: "You warriors in green have always thwarted me in every turn. If I wasn't locked in a room with scores of your allies as well as the God of Order, I would try to kill you and take the Triforce. You won't always defeat me. Remember that." The two eternal enemies glared at each other from across the room.

**Young Link**: He had an awed look on his face. He seemed to respect his older self quite a lot, which would surprise no one.

**Mario**: "Even though we don't-a always see eye to eye (I'm-a shorter than you anyway), you're a good ally in-a a pinch." Link and Mario shook hands with smiles from both of them.

**Luigi**: "I-I always thought green was the color of f-failure... at least u-until I met you, Link."

**Peach**: "I wouldn't say that Link's the biggest hero out there, but he's definitely one of the top five~ And his hat is super stylish. I hope he gets a scarf to match with that." Link tried not to look at Peach.

**Bowser**: "Oh great, a green guy I can take seriously." Luigi deflated at that comment. Link patted his shoulder to make him feel better.

**Dr. Mario**: "Us time-travelers-a have to stick-a together. I'll echo what younger-a me said."

**Donkey Kong**: "Pointy ears quiet but good guy."

**Yoshi**: "I go with Link on walks in the woods sometimes. He's really good company to have."

**Samus**: "..." [He has been my best and longest-lasting friend. Since, you know, people, things, and planets tend to die when I'm around.] Link and Samus shook hands.

**Ice Climbers**: They walked around Link, singing the Legend of Zelda theme song in a creepy fashion. Then they looked up and gave him smiles that didn't look very happy at all. Unnerved, Link walked over the children and off to the side of...

**Kirby**: "Even though I can't eat the fairies Link has and he always beats me up in Smash fights, he's a cool guy!"

**Fox**: "I didn't talk to him all that much... Well, he's not a talker anyway... but even though his fighting style is super primitive, you can't help but admire his determination."

**Captain Falcon**: "So slow but extreme to the max either way. Woo!"

**Pikachu**: "I can run circles around this guy! No lie. But he has the hide of a Steelix and the heart of an Arcanine."

**Jigglypuff**: "Can I sing my song on your flute?" He shook his head. "Dang it!"

**Mewtwo**: _You fool around with Celebi's gift like it's some kind of toy, you and your younger self both._

**Pichu**: As usual, Pichu had a couple insults ready for the Hero of Time. "You're stupid! You never say anything and your feet smell like your Normal-type Rapidash's manure!" Link chuckled silently a bit at that.

**Marth**: "{It is because of you that Roy and I could come here to compete. I am within your debt.}" The two swordsmen bowed respectfully to each other.

**Roy**: "{My big break wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't for you!}"

**Ness**: "You and me have both dealt with demons, so I have to salute you by default." The psychic from Onett did so with a grin.

**Mr. Game And Watch**: [Weren't you all blocky with red hair before? Oh well, I can never tell with your different lives.]

Master Hand sighed in relief. "Nine down, around 280 more to go." A half-hearted applause was made. "Time for intermission. Hopefully, we won't have to dissolve any fights this time."

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Next time, Samus!


	4. Chapter 4: Samus

**Before I start, all characters belong to Nintendo and its branches. I apologize for not putting one out yesterday.**

**Chapter 4: Samus**

Mewtwo, Bowser, and Ganondorf were playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors" in the cramped auditorium. And it was obvious to everyone that Ganondorf was winning.

He chuckled as he beat his feline and reptilian adversaries once again by choosing paper.

Mewtwo groaned mentally then said _You know, this would be much more fun if we had five fingers on each hand._

"Yeah!" Bowser agreed. "You're not being a very good sport about this, Ganondorf."

"You don't get to be the King of Evil from playing by the rules. This is why you two suck as villains."

Master Hand put his finger on the podium. "Alright, time to begin again. How about Samus this time?" She nodded then walked up as Master Hand pulled his glasses on.

A rather retro-looking Samus looked comfortably at the screen on the overhead. "This intergalactic bounty hunter's full name is Samus Aran. Clad in a Power Suit made by the Chozo race and infused with their enhanced blood, she-" Everyone gasped as Samus glared at Master Hand through her visor. "What? It had to be found out somehow, Samus... anyway! She cleared the planet Zebes of a Metroid infestation. Samus is an orphan, the sole survivor of a Space Pirate raid that destroyed an Earth colony named K-2L."

A more modern-appearing Samus crouched down and aimed her arm cannon at an unseen enemy. "Samus has an abundance of projectile weapons, making her a long-distance attack specialist. The most powerful weapon in her arsenal is her Charge Shot, but be warned: it can be reflected. Her missiles have homing capabilities, but when fired as Smash Attacks, they fly on a straight trajectory and have boosted power."

Then a purple Morph Ball Samus was unloading bombs. "While Samus's arsenal of missile weapons is indeed formidable, her enemies are in for a rude awakening if they guard against nothing else. Her Grappling Beam captures foes and latches on to walls, and the Screw Attack drags foes upwards in a series of spins that doubles as a recovery move. Samus can also use her Bombs to perform Bomb Jumps."

An awkward silence filled the room as Samus kept glaring at Master Hand. Then she sighed and faced the Smashers.

**Samus**: "..." [Okay, so I'm a girl. Big deal. It doesn't make me any less of a fighter than if I was a man.]

**Mario**: "I was-a the first person to find-a out. She's a good-a fighter and a good-a person... that happens-a to destroy a lotta things." They exchanged thumbs-ups.

**Luigi**: "She's so b-brave... W-well, everyone else is, but her especially!"

**Peach**: "Why didn't you tell us earlier? I could've given you so many makeovers that Zelda and Jigglypuff would look hideous in!" Samus smiled nervously behind her visor while Zelda crossed her arms and Jigglypuff puffed up.

**Bowser**: "Huh. No wonder you kicked my tail all over the place when you found out about me kidnapping Peach. Note to self: never kidnap Samus." Samus simply aimed her arm cannon at him to shut him up, which he complied with.

**Dr. Mario**: "I wish-a I coulda met you like my younger counterpart had. You seem-a to be a confident woman though."

**Donkey Kong**: He gave Samus a hug, who reciprocated, then said "Samus smell like bird a lot. D.K. know why now."

**Yoshi**: "You're a babysitter too? I knew that I liked you for _some_ reason."

**Link**: "..." [We're both warriors, even though we fight in completely different ways.]

**Zelda/Sheik**: Zelda turned into Sheik, blushed a bit, then turned back. "Well, that was spontaneous. Anyway, I'm glad to have another woman with a good head on her shoulders in the Mansion."

**Ganondorf**: "I knew you were a woman all along." Samus tilted her head, her eyes wide. "I lived with a tribe of women in my very early years. You fight with the same ferocity as them." She shrugged then gave a barely visible thankful smile.

**Young Link**: He pointed to her helmet with a smile on his face, as if asking for it. After considering for a bit, she took off her helmet and gave it to Young Link, revealing herself to be a blonde, pale woman with blue eyes.

**Ice Climbers**: They looked up at Samus. "You will be instrumental to the End of Days." Unnerved, Samus said nothing more than she usually did.

**Kirby**: "How do you eat when you wear a helmet all the time?" Samus responded with a slight rasp. "Fasting. You wouldn't like it."

**Fox**: "You're a great sharpshooter and pilot. If you weren't a human, I would've recruited you."

**Falco**: "'Ey, not so fast, Fox. Ain't nobody a better pilot than me. But yeah, you're good at shootin'."

**Captain Falcon**: He seemed to be smitten with her. "Do you maybe wanna go out somet-" Samus shook her head then rolled her eyes.

**Pikachu**: He jumped up on her shoulder and nuzzled her cheek. "Best human ever!" She simply smiled then put him back down.

**Jigglypuff**: "You're always awake for my song, so thank you!" She hugged her. Samus didn't have the heart to tell her that she had built-in remote-control earplugs.

**Mewtwo**: _I respect you more than most humans because, like myself, you have overcome many childhood trials._ Samus nodded thankfully.

**Pichu**: "You're so stupid!" Samus crossed her arms at the young Pokemon. "And... uh... that's it!" He hid behind Bowser.

**Marth**: "{I can say with confidence that this sort of masquerade won't happen again.}"

**Roy**: "{You blow up planets for a living, which is cool! ...I mean dangerous, very dangerous.}"

**Ness**: "No, Roy, you're right. Blowing up planets _is _cool!"

**Mr. Game And Watch**: [You've got spunk for a shooter, I'll give you that.]

Master Hand sighed in relief. "That ended better than I thought."

Samus talked to Master Hand, a rarity. "When this is over, Hand, I will go on Classic and beat up both you for revealing my gender and your brother for keeping us captive. Got it?"

Master Hand sounded intimidated as he said "Uh-huh." Then he went back to his normal tone. "Intermission!"

Next time, Yoshi!


	5. Chapter 5: Yoshi

**Before I begin, the characters belong to Nintendo and its branches.**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Yoshi**

Samus was having a conversation with Zelda. She asked "During my evaluation, why did you turn into Sheik, blush, then switch back?"

Zelda shrugged. "My double and I have different personalities as well as appearances. Maybe we have different sexualities as well?"

Samus thought about it while in the background, Ganondorf won yet another 'rock paper scissors' contest.

The three villains got into a fistfight that surrounded the room with the dust they made. Master Hand sighed. "Medarnit, again? Mewt- oh, right." He looked around the room then saw the Ice Climbers talk casually to each other. "Popo, Nana, freeze them!"

Their combined reply was "Yes, Master..." Then the two parka-clad children walked up and released their Blizzards from their gloved hands.

The Koopa King, King of Evil, and the most powerful Pokemon (at the time) were frozen with their eyes wide and mouths agape.

"That's a relief." Master Hand sighed. Then he turned to Ness, Mario, Young Link, Luigi, Link, Mr. Game and Watch, and Roy. "Melt them down, would you?"

Roy smiled then told him "{I got this.}" He charged up his Flare Blade then swung it down before it became explosive. The heat from the sword strike reduced the villains' icy tombs to small puddles.

Ganondorf's arms were crossed while the other two were shivering. "It takes more than that to kill me." "S-stupid cold-bloodedness." _I may be an artificially created feline, but I'm still a feline. I don't like getting wet!_

Master Hand said "Silence! Time to start again." Grumbling, the three villains returned to their seats. "Okay, Yoshi, you're up." Yoshi looked around a bit nervously then stood up as Master Hand once again donned the glasses that should've been anatomically impossible for him to wear.

A picture of Yoshi showing the 'V for victory' sign showed on the screen. "Yoshis are gentle, fleet-of-foot dinosaurs that make their home on idyllic Yoshi's Island. They come in a variety of colors and have evolved an interesting trait to help increase their numbers: they can transform anything they swallow into an egg. With adhesive tongues and bottomless bellies, Yoshis have been known to eat anything."

Yoshi then crouched down to the ground and flicked out his tongue. "To make up for his lack of powerful airborne attacks, Yoshi has a miraculous jumping ability and is resistant to damage while in the air. Yoshi can also swallow a foe and transform him or her into an egg: try doing this close to an edge! The speed and power of the Egg Roll increases if you hold down the B Button, but it'll be tougher to control."

A yellow Yoshi sat on the ground, stars surrounding him. "Yoshi has no third jump, so the timing of his second jump is of vital importance. The angle and distance of his Egg Throw can be altered by how you tilt the Control Stick and how long you press the B Button. When Yoshi lands after doing his Yoshi Bomb, stars appear on either side of him, making it hard for enemies to deliver counterattacks.

**Yoshi**: "I'm very happy about being here and fighting with the people I helped raise."

**Mario**: "I don't-a remember being with-a you, but if-a you're actually correct-a about me and you saving-a Luigi when we were babies, thank you." Yoshi licked his cheek.

**Luigi**: "I-I'd like to say the same thing as B-Bro, though I do s-sorta remember." Luigi petted Yoshi, who gave him the same cheek-lick treatment.

**Peach**: "I guess you had a hand in raising me as well? If so, why hasn't Father or the head Toad told me anything about you?" Yoshi shrugged with a smile then licked her cheek.

**Bowser**: "I remember it like it was yesterday. You ate my nanny and put her in an egg. I was so angry about that. And you still help him out today. Do you age?" Yoshi shook his head.

**Dr. Mario**: "In-a my time, you became a house-a pet. So imagine my-a surprise when I saw-a you fighting with-a the rest of these-a people."

**Donkey Kong**: "Yoshi best friend. Yoshi best friend!" He hugged him and he patted his back to let him down.

**Link**: "..." [I can confirm that Yoshi and I like to take walks in the woods together. It's fun to camouflage ourselves just by lying in the bushes.]

**Zelda/Sheik**: "You remind me of Impa when she took care of me as a child."

**Ganondorf**: "Bowser, why do you keep allowing yourself to be beaten by dwarves and cartoonish reptiles?"

**Young Link**: He rode on Yoshi like a horse. Yoshi gently bucked him off, smiling apologetically.

**Samus**: "You are a Chozo. Not in body but in spirit." Master Hand spoke up. "So you're talking now?" "I only hid my voice to keep my gender a secret. Now I don't see the point in staying silent."

**Ice Climbers**: They petted Yoshi. "Hee hee hee." Shivering to the touch, Yoshi backed away.

**Kirby**: "We have eating contests all the time! And I always like his Shy Guy Egg Casserole recipe." Yoshi gave him the 'Cut it out' gesture then smiled sheepishly at the shocked faces of the other members of the Mushroom Kingdom, especially Bowser.

**Fox**: "I've also been mistrusting of reptiles. (Thank you, Leon.) However, Yoshi showed me that not all reptiles are evil jerks."

**Falco**: "Yeah, uh, I still think lizards are scumbags. Sorry, Yoshi." Yoshi shrugged.

**Captain Falcon**: "Being in an egg is really exhilarating! Whoo-hoo!" Yoshi blinked at that.

**Pikachu**: "I thought he was some sort of weird Pokemon at first, though now I know the truth.

**Jigglypuff**: "He always sleeps on me! At least his nose is easy to draw a mustache on."

**Mewtwo**: _You have turned hatching and putting people in eggs into an art form._

**Pichu**: The usual stupid insult then "I don't even know if you're a boy or a girl!" Mewtwo frowned at that but Yoshi simply looked over at Marth.

**Marth**: "{You are a noble steed for Mario. If I ever employ a short person into my service, I'll ask for some of you if you do not mind.}" Yoshi said "Sorry, we're a pacifist race, but thanks for asking."

**Roy**: "{I'd like a red one to keep as a pet. Gotta impress any royalty that shows up to my camp by having exotic animals, you know?}" Yoshi simply tilted his head.

**Ness**: "I used to catch lizards all the time with King. So I guess you remind me of both of those."

**Mr. Game And Watch**: [I could've sworn you just walked up to Mario one day and asked him to help you. I must've been mistaken.]

Bowser turned to Yoshi. "Now. About that Shy Guy Egg Casserole..."

Yoshi smiled timidly then hid behind Master Hand, who said with exasperation, "Intermission!"

* * *

If anyone could give me suggestions for more intermission shenanigans at the beginning of each chapter, that would be great.

Next time: Kirby!


	6. Chapter 6: Kirby

**Before I start, I'd like to address a review, my first one. (Thanks by the way, PikaWither.) I never really played Earthbound, so I just assumed Ness was 10. I'll edit that after I'm done making this chapter.**

**Another before I start, all characters belong to Nintendo and its various branches.**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Kirby**

Bowser was chasing Yoshi and Kirby around the room. "YOU STUPID GLUTTONS! NOW I KNOW EXACTLY WHY THERE HAVE BEEN LESS AND LESS SHY GUYS IN MY ARMY!"

Kirby frowned. "They're delicious tho-" Yoshi kicked him in the head lightly then made the "Cut it out" gesture again.

Since the two extremely omnivorous veterans were not running anymore, they were in the Koopa King's clutches. He was about to spit fire in their faces but Master Hand said "Ahem. Kirby, you're up."

Kirby, a relieved smile on his spherical face, blew a raspberry at Bowser (to his ever-present annoyance) then walked up.

Master Hand put on his glasses, as usual, then talked about the puffball, who was waving and smiling on the overhead. "A denizen of the far-off, peaceful planet Pop Star, Kirby became a citizen of Dream Land after defeating King Dedede. Even though he's only about eight inches tall, Kirby is an extremely skilled technician. He has the ability to absorb the powers of his enemies, and his elastic body makes him a versatile adventurer."

This same Kirby was flipped upside down, his expression unchanging. "Kirby's small size lets him dodge many attacks, but his light weight makes him fly far when struck. Using his ability to inflate, he can jump five times. His Swallow attack creates wild combos; not only can he copy foes' moves, but he'll also put on special hats and mimic their voices. His Hammer is unwieldy but powerful."

A gray Kirby then appeared, his vast stomach filled by an unfortunate fighter. "Because of his light weight, Kirby is always in danger of being sent flying, but his ability to puff up and fly allows him to come back from amazing distances. His Final Cutter strikes on the way up and on the way down, and it sends out a beam of force upon landing. Kirby transforms into various objects and crashes down when he uses his Stone technique."

**Kirby**: "I'll be the first to admit, I like eating food. And people. And inanimate objects not fit for human consumption. But hey, I'm cute and I kick the butts of nightmares!"

**Mario**: "Kirby's-a a lot like-a Wario, but harder to fill-a and more sanitary." Kirby tilted his head.

**Luigi**: "H-his appetite scares me. He-he can eat e-everything!"

**Peach**: "If my cleaning Toad's vacuum cleaner ever breaks, I'll look for you, Kirby." Peach tossed him up in the air like a child. Kirby couldn't help but giggle at that.

**Bowser**: "He's a monster! The stupid jerk eats all my men and only burps as an apology! Even Mario has more tact than that."

**Dr. Mario**: "I should-a really look at Star Warrior anatomy so I can-a carry all my doctor's supplies in a replica of-a your stomach." Kirby looked a little bit weirded out at the older version of the plumber.

**Donkey Kong**: "Me like Kirby. Kirby good for hiding bananas from Kremlings." Donkey Kong patted his head and Kirby spat out a banana-shaped star.

**Yoshi**: "Okay, confession time. Kirby likes to use me to make exotic Mushroom Kingdom recipes. I'm sorry, Bowser and Peach, for the inconvenience..." Bowser simply glared at both of them while Peach looked confused.

**Link**: "..." [While Kirby's motives are questionable at times, and his stomach brings more destruction in one minute than Ganondorf in seven years (Ganondorf said "Hey!" at that) he has taken down countless enemies, some as terrible as the moon.]

**Zelda/Sheik**: "I hate to be Miss Manners, but his eating habits are atrocious!" Kirby raised an eyebrow at that.

**Ganondorf**: "I thought this pile of pink goop was not a fighter at all until I fought him. I have never been in so dark and expansive of a place as Kirby's stomach... I wonder if I could possibly rule it one day." He muttered under his breath.

**Young Link**: He rummaged around in his pockets. Then he found what he was looking for: a Maxim Tomato. He offered it generously to Kirby and he, in turn, inhaled it in one gulp.

**Samus**: She aimed her gun at him. "I'm always cautious around Kirby because I keep sensing that he's a walking black hole, even though I know it's not true... right?"

**Ice Climbers**: They hissed at Kirby and walked away. Everyone raised eyebrows at that then continued on with...

**Fox**: "Samus isn't the only one that sees a black hole. I wonder what could have happened that made you able to do that." If Kirby had human arms, he would have shrugged.

**Falco**: "Hey, Fox! Maybe we'll be able to find your dad in there!" Falco laughed until he saw Fox glare at him. "Sorry, Fox, too soon, I know."

**Captain Falcon**: "He's so extreme that I consider him as a son!" Kirby smiled then said "Falcon Pawnch!" "That's my boi!"

**Pikachu**: "He's sort of like a baby Snorlax. It's really adorable... and terrifying."

**Jigglypuff**: She giggled shyly then walked up to Kirby. "Um..." Kirby tilted his head. "Never mind." She waddled away, blushing as red as Kirby's cheeks were normally.

**Mewtwo**: _You are so young and yet so powerful... like me, I suppose._

**Pichu**: "You're so stupid!" Here we go again. "You're as short as a quarter and you babble like a baby when we're not being translated!"

**Marth**: "{In my sixteen years as a fighter in the War of Shadows, I've never met anyone quite like you.}"

**Roy**: "{You have a ferocious appetite, for sure!}"

**Ness**: "You're a lot like Pokey whenever we had a barbecue before he got all evil." Kirby tilted his head again.

**Mr. Game And Watch**: [Now, you never change. I like that.]

Master Hand said "Inter-" before being interrupted by Peach.

"Why did you apologize to me too, Yoshi?"

Yoshi smiled sheepishly as Kirby said "Oh yeah, scrambled Toad! How could I forget that one?"

Peach screeched then chased Yoshi and Kirby around.

Ness scratched the back of his head. "You'd think a princess in heels wouldn't run so fast."

Master Hand said "Intermission." and sighed.

* * *

**Next time, Fox!**

**I'd like some suggestions for start-of-chapter/end-of-chapter shenanigans. In addition, feel free to go on my profile and look at my poll.**


	7. Chapter 7: Fox

**Before I begin, all characters belong to Nintendo and its various branches.**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Fox**

Falco and Fox were sitting in some seats and talking to each other.

"I'm sorry for mentionin' your dad there, are you going to be okay?" Falco tilted his head not unlike a normal pigeon.

Fox sighed. "I'll be fine, really. Dad died a long time ago... I've long accepted the fact that we lost him in the black hole."

Falco grinned and slapped his wing over his shoulder. "Great!" Fox glared at him. "...Wrong choice of words again?"

Meanwhile, the Ice Climbers were in the corner. Ganondorf walked up to them. "What's the matter, children?"

They hugged Ganondorf's legs. "Father... The pink one will be your downfall... He might find out ab-"

Ganondorf shushed them. "The child is a pea-brain, alright? He won't know about my plans for the two of you."

Master Hand called out "Ganondorf! Popo! Nana! Get back over here if you're done with your family bonding!" They grumbled and went back to the gathering of fighters. "Fox, you're up." The canine pilot nodded then got up as Master Hand put on his glasses.

A rather blocky version of Fox frowned at the screen. "Fox McCloud is the leader of a band of adventurers-for-hire known as Star Fox. Fox and his fellow pilots Peppy, Slippy, and Falco patrol the Lylat system in their mother ship, the Great Fox. From the cockpit of his Arwing, Fox leads the ceaseless pursuit of the evil scientist Andross, who doomed Fox's father." His ears drooped at the mention of his father.

A more modern version of him aimed his gun to the right. "Fox is among the quickest and nimblest of the Smash Bros. characters. His speed is offset by low firepower, however, and he's better at one-on-one fights than melees with multiple foes. His Blaster is unique: it does damage but it doesn't make enemies flinch. His Fox illusion is best used as a surprise attack."

A Fox in a green jacket, jeans, and red boots (the spitting image of his father James) was in a backflip pose. "Fox falls quickly, so he's a tough target to strike from below; however, this advantage can work against him when he goes flying sideways. You can use the Control Stick to set the direction of the Fire Fox technique while it's charging up. On a side note, Fox is also much lighter than he was in the N64 Super Smash Bros. game."

**Fox**: He growled at Master Hand like his namesake. "Why did you mention my father then put a picture of him in my trophy list?!" He calmed down and sighed. "Sorry, got a little upset there. I'm the current top fighter here, and I'd like to stay that way."

**Falco**: "You're not a bird, but you sure as heck fly like one. I'm never gonna desert ya, whether on the sky or the ground. Gimmee some wing." They high-fived each other.

**Mario**: "You're always-a so serious, but I can-a understand that."

**Luigi**: "Y-you're a big d-dog... and I-I like you for that."

**Peach**: "I hope you don't shed. I'm super allergic to dog hair!" Fox tilted his head not unlike a puppy. "You know I'm not what you'd consider a dog, right?" "What are you talking about?"

**Bowser**: "So what if you kick my tail around all the time? I'll always try to beat you!" Fox rolled his eyes.

**Dr. Mario**: "I wish-a you good fortune in-a the future."

**Donkey Kong**: "Dog man tough. Dog man always beat me in arm-wrestle contest!" Fox shrugged and smiled as an apology.

**Yoshi**: "He's a very calm guy under pressure. I can totally relate!"

**Link**: "..." [Neither of us knew our parents very well unfortunately.]

**Zelda/Sheik**: Zelda turned into Sheik and bowed to Fox. "You, canine, are a worthy opponent. Try not to get too comfortable, or you may come across me in places you don't want me to be." Fox, a bit creeped out, just bowed back.

**Ganondorf**: He simply smiled and said "Oink." Fox and Falco both glared at him and he chuckled. The Smashers looked confused but Fox shook his head.

**Young Link**: He gave him a dog treat. "Sorry, kiddo, I'm not a dog." He poked his knee with it. "No." He made puppy-dog eyes. "Fine." He took the dog treat and ate it. "...Yum."

**Samus**: "If I ever go to the Lylat system, I'll look for you so we can team up." Fox nodded and the two sharpshooters shook hands.

**Ice Climbers**: They looked at each other, obviously wondering if they should copy their dad, then did something random. "Arf arf!" Fox simply looked the other way.

**Kirby**: "Seriously, dude, hook me up with some dog treats! I'm so dang hungry right now!"

**Captain Falcon**: "You live the high-speed life just like me!" He gave him a bearhug and laughed.

**Pikachu**: "You earned that #1 spot. I hope you use it just as well as I did last time."

**Jigglypuff**: "Can I sing on your spaceship?" "Uh... since no one can hear you in space, no." "Drat!"

**Mewtwo**: _You may think that I would hate canines but I believe that to be a stereotype._

**Pichu**: "You're a stupid fox with a weird toy gun... and you smell funny!" Fox laughed a little bit. "Is that all you got?" "Shut up, Foxy!"

**Marth**: "{Your weaponry is rather odd to me, and your appearance even more so. However, you are a valiant fighter.}" The two exchanged bows with a smile.

**Roy**: "{You're gonna have to show me how to do the Fire Fox sometime!}"

**Ness**: "Star Wars but with animals! How cool is that?" Everyone looked confused.

**Mr. Game And Watch**: [You used to be just a head in a box in a ship, but look at you now!] Fox tilted his head.

Master Hand sighed. "Okay, now we have 21 done. Time for an intermission."

"Oink." Ganondorf said. Fox and Falco said in unison "Oh my god, Pigma doesn't sound like that!"

* * *

**Next time: Pikachu.**

**I'd like some more intermission shenanigan ideas.**


	8. Chapter 8: Pikachu

**Before I begin, all characters belong to Nintendo and its various branches.**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Pikachu**

Peach walked up to Fox and patted his shoulder. "Hey, Fox... my dad died too, so I can see why you'd be upset. Are you alright?"

The canine pilot simply smiled. "Yeah, I'm a little bit calmed down now."

Meanwhile, Kirby began to cough. "Oh goodness." He coughed a few more times then spit out an old-looking Arwing accompanied by a few stars.

The voice of an old man called out. "Son?"

Fox walked up to the ship. "D-dad?"

Abruptly, the Arwing was re-swallowed by Kirby. "Yum!" Fox's jaw dropped to the floor then tried to get into Kirby's mouth. Master Hand snapped his fingers to get Fox to focus on him.

Reluctantly, Fox got his foot out of the young Star Warrior's mouth then walked back to his seat as Master Hand called Pikachu's name. His ears raised in alarm, the mouse Pokemon stood up as Master Hand once more donned his glasses.

An attentive-looking Pikachu looked directly at the screen. "It's safe to say that Pikachu is the most famous and popular of all Pokémon. It has electric pouches in both cheeks; when in danger, it shoots electricity at its enemies. Although Pikachu can evolve into Raichu by exposure to a Thunderstone, many trainers like Pikachu so much that they don't let it evolve." Pichu rolled his eyes at that, oddly.

Pikachu got on all fours on the screen, his mouth open. "While its electrical attacks, such as Thunder and Thunder Jolt, are powerful, Pikachu is at its best speeding around the fray and waiting for its chance to strike. You can control the path of Pikachu's two-directional Quick Attack, allowing you to jump twice. Hold down the B Button to charge up Skull Bash."

A red-tinted Pikachu wearing a red hat scratched itself while winking. "The angle of the Control Stick controls the direction of Pikachu's Quick Attack. Pikachu will move blindingly fast, and it will also cause damage to any character it runs into. Move the Control Stick during Quick Attack and Pikachu will move in up to two directions. Be sure to check out the ceilings on the level when you use Thunder."

**Pikachu**: "I'm the strongest Pikachu in the world and it never would've happened if I wasn't plucked here by Master Hand. I'm glad to meet all of you strange humans."

**Jigglypuff**: "You are the worst offender when it comes to my singing! Are you bored by my singing voice?" Pikachu looked around with a shy smile as he tried to think of a way to explain.

**Mewtwo**: _You are a fairly powerful Pikachu, yes, but imagine how even more powerful you'd be as a Raichu. _Pikachu's cheeks began to spark at that but otherwise he didn't react.

**Pichu**: "Uncle Pikachu, I love you to death and all but how can you be so dense?! If I was a Pikachu, I would want to evolve into a Raichu straight away!" Pikachu immediately whacked Pichu with his tail, yelling out in anger. Pichu fell to the ground, his eyes replaced by swirls.

Everyone looked rather shocked at that as Pikachu panted. Eventually, he said "I... I'm sorry, everyone. I just really hate being compared to a Raichu after my run-in with Surge... that Raichu was a jerk... Anyway, continue please."

**Mario**: "Well-a, I never knew-a you very well, but you seem-a to know what you're-a doing."

**Luigi**: "H-he's a very good n-nightlight when I g-get nightmares." Pikachu rubbed the back of his head, smiling sheepishly.

**Peach**: "I'm scared of mice, but you're the best exception because you're so darn cute!"

**Bowser**: "So, Mewtwo, you mean to tell me that one of your strongest opponents was a rat? And Ganondorf thinks _I'm_ the ridiculous one!" Pikachu rolled his eyes.

**Dr. Mario**: "Nurse Joy would-a be a better doctor to-a you guys than I would-a hope to be, but I hope-a to learn one day."

**Donkey Kong**: "Mouse strong. Good for killing Cranky hut fireflies!" Pikachu scratched the back of his head again.

**Yoshi**: "You and me, we're both loyal companions of a human." They exchanged fist bumps.

**Link**: "..." [I have a few bad memories of mice because they tended to explode near me when I threw them. But I know you're different.] Pikachu tilted his head then shrugged.

**Zelda/Sheik**: "You control the goddesses' gift of light with much ease. I would worship you but I know that none of the others in this room have the same belief."

**Ganondorf**: "I must capture these creatures to harness this power of light to destroy Hyrule and take the Triforce for myself!" He began to laugh then cleared his throat when he noticed everyone staring at him. "I mean, puny mouse, right?"

**Young Link**: He petted Pikachu cautiously. To his relief, Pikachu approved of the rubbing, his eyes closed and smiling.

**Samus**: "I have no idea why he and I are close allies. Maybe because he has always helped me when my fuel levels ran low." Pikachu jumped up to Samus's shoulder and gave her a hug.

**Ice Climbers**: They walked up to Pikachu and told him "Our hammers are wood. They will not be affected by your bolts of lightning. Please do remember that when we leave here."

**Kirby**: He burped a bit then poked his teeth with a toothpick out of nowhere. "He's the one who introduced me to Pokemon food! How can I forget?"

**Fox**: He clenched his fist at Kirby then told Pikachu "You're a very good fighter. I promise to take your title seriously."

**Falco**: "Lightnin' and birds don't really mix, so I'm not really fond of ya. Sorry, Pikachu."

**Captain Falcon**: "He's extremely fast but he's no match for Captain Falcon!" He posed and said "Yeaaaaa-" before being tripped by Pikachu, who snickered.

**Marth**: "{We share the same drive even though we fight in very different ways.}"

**Roy**: "{Electric fires, yes... What, I'm not a pyromaniac! I just like fire!}"

**Ness**: Ness petted Pikachu, who shocked him a bit. He absorbed the damage with PSI Magnet. "Pikachu and I have always won tag-team matches thanks to these two moves."

**Mr. Game and Watch**: [You're the only new-fangled thing I can trust.]

When Mr. Game and Watch finished talking, Pichu got up and rubbed his head. "Geez, Uncle, I just said something stupid, didn't I?" Pikachu simply nodded as Master Hand said "Intermission!"

* * *

**Next time, Ness!**

**As always, give me more ideas for intermission shenanigans. See you next time!**


	9. Chapter 9: Ness

**Before I begin, all characters belong to Nintendo and its various branches.**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Ness**

Popo and Nana were sitting by themselves in a section of the auditorium. "We're so bored!" They, as usual, said in unison.

They looked at each other. "Do you think what I'm thinking?"

The creepy twins got up and tugged Master Hand's wrist area. "Master Hand? Can you teleport items into this place?"

He nodded. "I can get something or someone in and out but I can't take everyone out of here. What did you have in mind?" They grinned at each other.

Within a minute or so, they were batting a Koopa shell back and forth, managing to hit everyone in the way. They laughed quite evilly until Bowser put his foot down. Literally.

"Okay. You can hit Mario. You can hit Ganondorf. You can even hit me. But don't you _dare_ use my dead minions to do it. Got it?!" He bellowed. They simply nodded without reacting.

Master Hand told the Koopa King "Never thought I'd say this but thank you, Bowser." He simply puffed out a small fireball. Master Hand pointed to Ness. "You're next." Ness simply nodded and said "Okay." as he got up.

A shiny-looking version of Ness faced the screen. "Ness is a young boy who's mastered the psychic power known as PSI. Ness was living a normal life in the suburbs of Onett until a meteor crashed into a nearby mountain and sent him on a wild adventure. Believing in the ultimate powers of wisdom, courage, and friendship, Ness proves that some heroes come in small packages."

A more modern-looking version of Ness held a bat up. "The key to mastering Ness is controlling his unique midair jump, which makes up for what he lacks in speed. His PK Flash attack may seem weak at first glance, but it grows more powerful the longer you hold down the B Button. To do a lot of damage with PK Fire, try to burn your opponent as many times as possible."

A black-and-yellow-garbed Ness was doing the around-the-world with a yo-yo. "Ness' mind is his best weapon. PK Thunder is a PSI missile weapon that can be guided using the Control Stick, and if Ness hits himself with it, he turns into a living missile capable of doing massive damage. This move can also be used for recovery. PSI Magnet turns energy missile attacks into health; try out certain Pokemon for stamina replenishment."

**Ness**: "I used to be just a teenager with a love for steak, a dog, and a dad that was never around. Now I'm a psychic badass teenager with a love for steak, a dog, and a dad that is never around."

**Mario**: "You have-a powers I'll never-a understand, but-a you're a very good fighter."

**Luigi**: "I-I hope to beat dark evils l-like you did one day." Ness nodded and smiled at that.

**Peach**: "You're a lot like the young Toads in the town next to my castle. But at least you don't get turned into a Goomba!" Ness simply tilted his head at that.

**Bowser**: "So you mean to tell me that the embodiment of evil was killed by four cutesy little kids?" Ness piped up. "And a god... don't forget about that..."

**Dr. Mario**: "Remind-a me to make you some steak infused-a with medicine next time you get-a sick, okay?" Ness nodded.

**Donkey Kong**: He juggled him around with a smile. "You like Diddy but smelly like human."

**Yoshi**: "Mario as a teenager, pretty much."

**Link**: "..." [Like you said to me, earlier. You and I have both defeated demons. You have my respect by default.] They shook hands, smiling at each other.

**Zelda/Sheik**: "While I am happy to see another magic-user, I was absolutely surprised to see you having such a mastery of it in a young age."

**Ganondorf**: He simply grinned crookedly as a dark power established itself in the young psychic's mind. **Demise is not to be defeated just by a prayer. He will come back. And he will kill you...**

**Young Link**: Ness rubbed his head. Young Link simply smiled at him and offered a fairy. Ness smiled and let her heal him. "Thanks, buddy. You always know how to cheer people up."

**Samus**: "You're way more powerful than you look, kid." She simply smiled at him and both of them exchanged nods.

**Ice Climbers**: They looked Ness right in the eye and whispered "We will feast on your bones once Father is finished with you..." He naturally backed away.

**Kirby**: "Dude, why didn't you tell me you liked steak?" Ness shrugged. "I don't want you to eat my well-earned dinner Mom made... or Mom herself for that matter."

**Fox**: "And I thought my enemies were weird. My goodness."

**Falco**: He yawned ever so slightly. "You're a weird guy, but so's everyone else in this place. You're nothin' special."

**Captain Falcon**: "Dude, you are extreme! You beat people up with your mind and kids' toys!"

**Pikachu**: Pikachu used Thundershock to heal him further, Ness putting up PSI Magnet. "Once a tag team partner, always a tag team partner."

**Jigglypuff**: "Can I hum the Eight Melodies with your Sound Stone?" He shook his head. She sighed. "Why doesn't anyone want me to sing? I'm really good, I swear!"

**Mewtwo**: _Your mind equals my own in sheer power but you limit yourself. Keep working at it until you unlock your true potential. _Ness simply nodded with a neutral expression.

**Pichu**: "You're a dumb human because you help dust mites of all things!" Ness simply shrugged at that.

**Marth**: "{You and I seem to represent different countries, but we fight together as brothers.}"

**Roy**: "Psychic fires are even better! ...I may need to start roasting something soon before fire roasts my brain." Everyone scooched back a little bit out of awkwardness.

**Mr. Game And Watch**: [It goes to show you what happens when people can actually see you fight.] Ness tilted his head at that.

Master Hand poofed up a Green Shell for the Ice Climbers to play with. Bowser glared at him. "Why did you do that?"

"What? I want to have some fun too, Bowser. Intermission!"

* * *

**Next time: Captain Falcon!**

**Keep the ideas coming, see you next time!**


	10. Chapter 10: Captain Falcon

**Before I begin, sorry for the week break, I've been busy with exams. All characters belong to Nintendo and its various branches.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Captain Falcon**

All was calm in the Smash Mansion auditorium until... *Crash!*

Pikachu was running around the room trying to escape the clutches of a certain villainous warlock.

"Join me, rat! I want to destroy Hyrule with you by my side!" *Wham!* Since he was about as bulky as an elephant made out of gold, he ran into thing quite a bit.

Fox put his hands over his ears. "Good god, he's making a wreck of the place." He turned to the Links and Zelda. "Aren't any of you going to do something?"

The Links were having a sword fight while Zelda was combing her hair. The princess was the one to reply. "We would usually but he's not the immortal he is at home. He will get tired eventually."

Fox sighed as he looked on. "But his evil babbling reminds me of Andross, and that annoys me..."

A rough hand was put on the pilot's shoulder and he turned, surprised to see Bowser looking at him. He said "I can stop that pretentious ham, but I need some help. Do you have a cannon or something to shoot me out of?"

Fox looked around the room until he saw a dejected Captain Falcon walking away from Samus. "I have an idea." He walked up to him. "Do you have the keys to your car anywhere?"

The bounty hunter inflated back to his usual excited demeanor. "I just snap my fingers and say Come on! No keys necessary. But it's not like it's in here or any-" "Come on!" Fox snapped his fingers.

The Blue Falcon rose up from under the stage. As the racecar driver yelled in protest, Fox and Bowser entered the ride. The pilot aimed at Ganondorf, who was still bumbling around trying to catch Pikachu. "You ready?" Bowser grunted affirmatively.

Abruptly, Bowser flew through the sky bellowing "Bowser Koopa's blasting off again!" Then he got into his shell and hit Ganondorf point-blank on his chest. He bellowed as he fell on his back and Pikachu ran back to his seat. Bowser turned back to normal and stood on his chest. "Who sucks as a villain now, Dragmire?"

Master Hand floated into the room carrying a cup of coffee. "I go to the backstage area for some coffee and this happens? Anyway, you're up, Captain Falcon." He nodded with a glum look on his face then put the Blue Falcon back under the stage. Bowser and Ganondorf walked back to their seats as Master Hand put his glasses on.

Captain Falcon heroically posed with the Blue Falcon beside him. "Usually a relentless bounty hunter, Captain Falcon shifts gears to become a race pilot once the F-Zero Grand Prix begins. His beloved racer, the Blue Falcon, can exceed the speed of sound, and he knows how to drive it; he'll go down as one of the all time-greats. Now 36 years old, Captain Falcon wears his F-Zero X visor."

The Blue Falcon went away and he got into a strongman pose. "Falcon's style is a balanced combination of raw power and speed. His attacks are slow, but when combined with Falcon's high mobility, he's a formidable combat force. The Falcon Punch packs the highest degree of destructive power, while the explosive Raptor Boost can be used to smash airborne foes into the depths."

A purple-and-red Falcon brought his fist up into the air. "The Knee Smash, used in midair on foes in front of you, is slow and has a short reach, but if it connects, it'll send foes flying a long way on a low trajectory. Falcon uses his Falcon Dive to grab an enemy in midair and fling them away with an explosive blast. He can do this technique repeatedly without landing, so it can also be used as a recovery move."

**Captain Falcon**: He got back in the energetic mood. "Yes, it's me! The race car driver who all the ladies love. Show me your moves!"

**Mario**: "While-a I'm not so okay with-a you flirting with Peach, you're a very-a good driver and-a fighter. I'm-a hoping to invite you to the Mario Kart tourney." Falcon simply shook his head. "Those cars are too slow for me."

**Luigi**: "C-can you teach me to be m-more confident l-like you?" Luigi wrung his hands with a hopeful smile on his face. Falcon shrugged. "Maybe later."

**Peach**: "While you're a very handsome man, I'm sort of going out with someone already, sorry!" He shrugged again.

**Bowser**: "I thought you were just a stupid human at first, but now I wanna learn more about your cannon technology." "It's called an ejection seat..."

**Dr. Mario**: "If-a you ever crash, call-a me, okay? ...Not-a in that way." Cap said "Didn't want it to be that way, not-Mario."

**Donkey Kong**: "We no need weapons. We strong with just hands!"

**Yoshi**: "You were born for the racetrack, that's for sure!"

**Link**: "..." [You remind both myself and the younger me of a very flamboyant man named Tingle. The less said about him, the better.] Falcon simply raised an eyebrow but said nothing of it.

**Zelda/Sheik**: Zelda rolled her eyes and turned into Sheik. "She always does this whenever you're around. Can't imagine why. No harm done, though, right?" Falcon nodded.

**Ganondorf**: "I have two reasons to hate you now. You stole my fighting style..." Captain Falcon crossed his arms and frowned. "...and you launched Bowser's body at my chest for no reason!" "That was Fox, not me..."

Speaking of Fox... He knocked on the wood above his head. He was trapped in the Blue Falcon under the stage. Nobody seemed to hear him.

**Young Link**: He shuddered a bit and hid behind his older counterpart. He was obviously reminded of Tingle as well.

**Samus**: "I gladly worked with you and I hope to still do that despite your now common flirtations." Falcon winked and Samus rolled her eyes.

**Ice Climbers**: They bowed to him. "We respect you, sir, for making Father see the stupidity of his actions." Both lightning-fast bruisers widened their eyes at that.

**Kirby**: "Back off, demon kids, he's my dad! ...Okay, he's my adopted dad." The two of them exchanged a hug.

**Fox**: "..." The fighters looked around at each other until Falco's communicator beeped. Confused, he put it up to where his ear would be if he was a human. "Hello?" Angry yelling on the other end. "Oh God, that's hilarious." More angry yelling. "Okay, keep your tail." He turned to Falcon. "Let the car back out." He snapped his fingers and as soon as the Blue Falcon came back up, Fox jumped out. "You're the craziest pilot I know. And I know Slippy and Peppy, so I know what I'm talking about!"

**Falco**: "You're the king of accidental practical jokes, man! And I can definitely help with the ladies at some point. I don't even care that you ain't a falcon."

**Pikachu**: "You're a lot faster than you look."

**Jigglypuff**: "Can I sing the Staryu-Spangled Banner before your races?" Captain Falcon simply tilted his head. "I don't know what that is but we don't play music before the racing starts."

**Mewtwo**: _Typical human bodybuilder. I'll enjoy picking you apart. ...With insults, of course._

**Pichu**: "You're stupid! You always say yes for no reason! And why do you have metal nubs on your belly, that doesn't make sense!"

**Marth**: "{Racing doesn't seem like a very fitting sport for me, sorry.}" Falcon shrugged.

**Roy**: "{Quick, Falcon Punch me.}" "Wha-" "{Just do it!}" Captain Falcon blinked then aimed his fist at Roy. "Falcon Punch!" He punched and Roy blocked the hit with the Sword of Seals. "{Ah. Much better.}"

**Ness**: "I'd like to thank you for picking me up on the first tournament. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here." They exchanged fist bumps and grinned at each other.

**Mr. Game And Watch**: [I could've sworn Captain Falcon was the name of your car. Oh well, what do I know, I'm just an old guy.]

Master Hand floated down to the racer/bounty hunter. "Why do you have your racecar down there anyway?"

"The Blue Falcon's extreme enough to pick up the sound of a finger snap and go straight to the location."

"Oh. Okay then. Intermission." He drank some of the coffee with the wrist part of himself.

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**Next time: Bowser.**

**Keep those suggestions coming, see you next time!**


	11. Chapter 11: Bowser

**I have returned to raise this fic and the other one from the dead. All characters belong to Nintendo and its branches.**

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**Chapter 11: Bowser**

Bowser was carrying on with the villains as usual when suddenly a purple cloud of gasses popped up in front of his face.

"Oh no, not now!" He ran as quickly as an overweight mutant Koopa could to a corner of the room, to the confusion of Ganondorf and Mewtwo.

Bowser looked around then glared at the form of Kamek's face in the cloud. "Hello, Your Meanness. The Koopalings just wanted to say... Er, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you showed up in front of the guys! What would Ganondorf and Mewtwo say if they ever found out that I had adopted children?!" He looked very upset.

"I... don't know? Anyway, the Koopalings just wanted to say that Bowser Jr. is progressing wonderfully in the dark arts! He can't wait to show you when you get home, sire."

Bowser's features noticeably softened. "That is really good news..." He snapped back to normal. "Now don't call again unless there's an emergency, okay?"

"You've got it, Your Surliness!" Kamek vanished with the cloud. Master Hand pointed to Bowser. "Get over here."

Bowser raised his eyebrows then realized it was his turn to be critiqued. He walked over to the chairs and stayed up.

An angry-looking Bowser stood on the screen, frozen in a roaring pose. "Bowser has a long history of kidnapping Princess Peach to lure his nemesis, Mario, into traps. He leads an enormous group of mischievous creatures, not the least of which are his seven children." Bowser put a hand to his head. "Aw, darn it." "With outrageous strength, flammable breath, and more spikes than you can shake a Star Rod at, Bowser is a constant threat."

A more modern-looking Bowser was hunched over, looking over to the side. "In many ways, Bowser is the toughest character around. Not only does he have near-impervious hide, but his great mass makes him almost impossible to hurl offscreen. Of course, his weight also makes him rather slow to maneuver, so when facing him in battle, it's best to press your attack and not give him a chance to counter."

A black shell popped up onscreen, with Bowser's eyes glaring underneath. "Bowser's Fire Breath strikes continually, but it grows gradually smaller over time until it's barely smoldering. The Koopa Klaw rakes enemies at a distance and pulls nearby foes in close for a good gnawing. Bowser's Whirling Fortress moves laterally over the ground; it works in midair as a recovery. The Bowser Bomb is powerful and paves the way for more attacks."

**Bowser**: His hand was still on his head. Then he looked over at Master Hand. "I thought you wouldn't mention my kids!" "Sorry, Bowser, I'm usually dead when these Classic Mode trophy descriptions are written up." Bowser sighed then said "Alright, I'm a father. I'm sort of surprised that I'm the only one with children, but here I am. I'll still try to kidnap princesses and mess up Mario though."

**Mario**: "Our relationship is-a rather strange, to say the least. I hate-a him, but I always invite-a him for kart races." Bowser groaned. "I always lose those darn things!"

**Luigi**: "Y-you don't scare me!" Bowser looked in his direction with an eyebrow raised. "O-okay, maybe a little." Luigi hid behind his chair.

**Peach**: "I don't in any way approve of what he does to me on a weekly basis, but he's surprisingly accommodating as a host." Bowser rubbed the back of his head while Mario and Ganondorf both glared at him.

**Dr. Mario**: "You-a made me retire to become a doctor. I guess-a I should thank you for-a that." Bowser tilted his head.

**Donkey Kong**: "Me think Donkey Kong better enemy than Bowser." They exchanged stares for a bit.

**Yoshi**: "I was against Bowser before anyone else. He's a truly despicable man... Koopa." Bowser gave a sharp-toothed grin.

**Link**: "..." [And I thought Ganondorf was monstrous. I'm not entirely sure how Mario beats you all the time.]

**Zelda/Sheik**: Sheik crossed her arms. "I can tell you why, Link. Bowser is a moron." Bowser crossed his arms and chuckled. "You got that right! ...Wait, hey!" He looked angry.

**Ganondorf**: "Alright, two things. One: I have children over there." He pointed to the Ice Climbers, doodling pictures of fruit on the floor. Then he glared at Bowser. "Two: Why are you nice to the woman you kidnapped?!" Bowser growled. "Because... I want Peach to be a mother figure." "...You know what? We'll discuss this later." Both of them turned away from each other.

**Young Link**: Young Link tapped Bowser's knee. He glared down. "What do you want, kid? Beat it!" "..." The silent boy simply went back to his seat with an apologetic look on his face.

**Samus**: "For what it's worth, you're good target practice."

**Ice Climbers**: They looked up from their drawing and said (in unison as usual) "Your family bonds will be your undoing." Then they went back to doodling like nothing happened.

**Kirby**: "Sorry for eating some of your minions, I couldn't resist." Bowser resisted the urge to chase Kirby again.

**Fox**: "You're absolutely massive. I would probably just fight you from a distance."

**Falco**: "Oh please. I can handle him with one wing tied behind my back!"

**Captain Falcon**: "I'd like you better if you didn't use my car as a launchpad!" Bowser looked around. "Fox's idea, not mine."

**Pikachu**: "You remind me of Team Rocket. You always fail at evil things." Bowser stomped near Pikachu. "I would sit on you if you weren't so fast at dodging."

**Jigglypuff**: "You have kids? Can I sing my lullaby to them sometime?" Bowser thought a little. "Uh... sure, why not?" Jigglypuff moved her head from side to side, as if clapping. "Yay~"

**Mewtwo**: _You seem to forget I have a bunch of cloned Pokemon as my family. It's forgivable, though._

**Pichu**: "You're probably the dumbest person in the room! It's sort of obvious why."

**Marth**: "{You are a mighty beast. I hope to battle you one day.}"

**Roy**: "{You would probably be a good strategist if most of your men weren't so fragile.}"

**Ness**: "You're a lot like Godzilla if he was a bad guy!"

**Mr. Game and Watch**: [You used to be a good villain. Now you're all washed up.] Bowser hung his head and sighed.

Bowser walked off to the corner. "Well, isn't this the highlight of my day. Insulted by a lot of people and reminded of my failures."

Ganondorf walked over to him. "Now, about that argument. Seriously, at least put her in a cage!"

Master Hand drummed his fingers a bit then shrugged with his wrist. "Intermission!"

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**Next time, Princess Peach.**

**I'll try to be more frequent in my chapters from now on. Keep those opening suggestions coming, see you next time!**


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